Mankinds most unreliable machine…ever

My son has been sick all week.  He has strep throat and some kind of ‘flu variant’, whatever that really means. He’s been a sick boy.  His throat, naturally, is very sore and precludes a lot of foods and some drinks.  Well, one of the things he has asked for, all week, is a Slurpee or Slushie or some variant of that kind of treat.  So, on my way home from my job, I’ve stopped to get him one of these.   Since 7-11 specializes in the icey beverages, that’s where I’ve been stopping. Oh, sure, I got a ‘slush’ from Sonic Drive In once, it’s been the 7-11 variety almost exclusively.

Well, let me tell you, I now know what the single most unrealiable device that mankind has EVER devised: the Slurpee/Slush/Icee maker.  One stop almost always leads into an Indian Jones-like quest for the ice drink.  And it’s not just the 7-11 machines.  Oh, no, my friends.  It’s all of the various branded machines.  All of those bloody machines.  I am convinced, though, that this is some kind of ruthless plot by both the retailer and the manufacturer.  Has to be.  We put men on the moon.  We have more computing power on our desks-no, in our pockets, purses or on our belts-than the whole planet had in 1969, the year we went to the moon.  C’mon.  There’s no way we can consistently screw up the manufacturing process, right?  I mean, seriously.  These machines are always broken.  They are more unreliable than an XBOX 360 or your a Fiat auto.

One friend of mine suggested that they all must be powered by Windows.  While that might have been funny for a split second, the machines have been around for far longer than Windows.  No, these things have been breaking down for at least as long I’ve been around, and that is the better part of four decades.  Windows has only been around about half of that time. No, it’s not Windows.

I’m telling you, it is a conspiracy.  Get us hooked on the damned treat, then randomly yank it away in the hopes that we buy the more expensive and, perhaps, more profitable products in the store.  There has to be a ‘fail’ switch on the machines that an employee, under the guise of ‘cleaning up’, can hit just prior to you walking in the store to buy the treat.  I’m on to them now.  If the machine don’t work, I don’t buy.  Period.  I’m gonna turn around and walk out.  Really.  Crap, those donuts sure look good…

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